Please note that I do balance a few different things in my life right now and I am extremely dyslexic (not joking, I actually am), so I am a slow reader.
I am generally fairly easy to please when I understand what the author’s intent was. If you are writing a stirring and thought-provoking satire, I am going to expect to see layers of metaphor. If you are writing a slapstick silly-billy story that covers huge plot gaps by having one character come in and say, “Yeah, that totally didn’t happen,” then, I will probably let most of it slide if it’s really funny.
I don’t particularly want any of my reviews to come as a shock. If you read at least some of this page, you will know before you message me what star-rating I am probably going to give your story. Please run a spell check as an assurance that you’ve gotten at least most of your typos. Typos happen and I’m not going to write a long rant about it if you do leave in a bunch of them, but you should try to clean it up as much as possible.
- Please don’t email me if you lifted sections of your book from another person’s work without permission. You know you stole the material and I’m going to be really angry if you lie to me and make me figure it out myself.
- Please don’t email me if you think God talks to you, that you are the reincarnated image of a religious figure, or are otherwise convinced of something that just sounds ridiculous as a pretense for writing a book.
- Please, please do not email me if you believe you have written a book so groundbreaking that you honestly think you are going to change my life or any firmly-held opinions that I have. While I am a very open-minded person, you are probably not going to change anything for me. You may bring up a few noteworthy points, but anyone who is so certain that I have never heard their exact opinion on some popular debate topic has never failed to be completely shocked when I’ve ripped their manuscript to pieces and told them to rewrite entire sections due to a complete lack of evidence.
If you’d like to connect with me to see if we can mesh artistically, aesthetically, arithmetically, asthmatically, or otherwise, please send me a message by using the template below or by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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